Is it a lie when you lie to not make someone feel bad?
Let me give you an example
Yesterday, of course, was Mother’s Day.
Wait, let me preface this with a little ‘backstory’. It is a tradition that most every Mother’s Day my husband makes me breakfast in bed. It is just something we do. It is also a tradition that of course my kids make me cards, little trinkets, and my husband gets me the actual gift.
Last year, we were in ‘pay of debt’ mode and agreed that we would give no gifts on Mother’s and Father’s Day. We were both ok with that, so that was fine. This year, a few weeks ago, my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, and I gave him a few ideas. Moreover, for my birthday in April, we agreed that my ‘present’ would be to attend the writing conference this last weekend. He had joked, “Can that be your Mother’s Day present too?” I told him no, considering this was my whole b-day present, and I had moved for 2 years to Memphis away from all family and friends to support HIS dream, I think even having it be my b-day present was generous of me. I was teasing… kinda… but he got the point.
Or so I thought.
So let’s bring it back to yesterday. I woke up about 7:00 to the smell of… nothing. That was ok, Scott was still asleep. Except that it let me have this breif 15 minutes of fear that he had either forgotten, not given me anything, or was just not going to wake up in time. The thought made me sad. I have always looked forward to Mother’s Day! Maybe that is selfish, but I figure I only get to be selfish 2 days out of the year, on Mother’s Day and my Birthday, so I allow myself the indulgence.
Finally, about 7:15, my husband wakes up and rushes to the kitchen. All my fears are erased when I smell the wonderful fragence of bacon sizzling in the frying pan.
20 minutes later, in comes my husband with a tray with my burnt bacon (that is ok, he has a tough time makig it sometimes and it is the thought that counts!) and my toast and eggs. On the tray was my card.
Momentarily I wondered where my present was. I figured either 1.) I would get it after breakfast or 2.) My present was in my card (frequently he won’t have time to get the present or doesn’t know what to get me, so he’ll say something like… you can go buy (insert item here). That is ok too, I don’t mind those presents, although the actual tangible gift IS really nice to have.
So, happy as a lark, I open my card. No present, but a sweet little note from him. I felt good, I felt loved. I ate my breakfast, and eagerly awaited my present.
And I waited.
And I waited.
And I waited.
Of course, no present.
We went to church, we went out to lunch with my family including my mom and my grandmother. We gave them gifts. I told my husband about my brother-in-law’s gift that totally backfired on him, and that he was already in the hole since he didn’t give her ANYTHING for Mother’s Day last year.
No response. No cringe. No gulp. No recognition. Nothing.
So of course, I figure, it is still to come! He was just waiting for that evening.
We went to the library for a while, there were some books I wanted to check out, we went home.
I suggested that making the brownies we had from a while ago would be a good idea, and he jumped at that idea way to fast. Those were my first warnings signs.
He made the kids and him dinner, but me? Nothing. I ended up just having brownies.
At this point I was trying not to cry. I didn’t want to be a baby, and I didn’t want to ruin the day. I know my kiddos and my husband love me, and I don’t need a gift to prove that. But for some reason my heart still hurt at the thought.
So, later, in bed, as I was going to sleep, my husband lay down beside me. Still, in the back of my mind, I hoped. He snuggled up to me, put his arm around me and smiled. “Did you have a good Mother’s Day, honey?”
And… I lied.
I had spent the whole day wondering and hoping, only to have my hopes dashed and be disappointed. It wasn’t the ‘no gift’, if was the fact that he couldn’t take the time, which I know he had because I had just been at a conference for 2 days, and he had taken off the last two days of work, so there had been plenty of time. With every inch of my human being I wanted to lash out and ask him why no gift. I wanted to hit him and scream and cry and rant.
But I didn’t. I couldn’t think of one good thing that would come of it, so I lied through my teeth and said yes.
What is really sad is that in the back of my mind, so still wonder. Maybe he ordered it and it didn’t make it in the mail? Maybe he’ll surprise me today and be like, ‘hehe!! Just joking!” But I know I am chasing a dream, and I need to get over it.
The question is, at what time do I sit my wonderful, loving, clueless husband down and tell him how much his blunder hurt me? Is there ever a time? Do I just harbor my ill feelings and hope that next Mother’s Day is better? I don’t want to do that, because to be really honest, my feelings are going to fester and eat me alive and I dont’ really care to go postal anytime soon.
Ahhh, I guess I’ll just get over it. Life is too short right? *sigh* Men…